Here are my Rules of Pizza Etiquette “to keep the integrity of the pizza,” as invented by Mal and me. I wrote this list originally as a note on my phone. When I tried to bring my phone back to iOS 9 (as opposed to 10), it deleted all of my notes, so I thought I lost this one until I found a screenshot I had saved about a year ago. When I finally found it, I decided it was finally time to share these rules with the world!
Rules of Pizza Etiquette and the Pizza Treaty of 2015
- You must eat your pizza right-side up at all times (that is, with the toppings facing up).
- You must eat your pizza starting from the tip.
- You must not tear, cut, or otherwise mangle your pizza (biting it doesn’t count because biting is what pizzas are made for).
- You must not dip your pizza in any substance of any kind.
- You must not fold your pizza or attempt to make it smaller in any way.
- You must NEVER EVER EVER joke about the pizza or make fun of it, or insult or degrade it in any way.
- You must never stop eating mid-slice. You must finish the whole slice before putting it down.
- You may not share a slice of pizza. You must eat the whole slice yourself. (The crust doesn’t count. If you want to give your crust to your friend, that is allowable as long as all other pizza rules are followed.) Exceptions may be made for extra-large pizza slices.
- You must enjoy EVERY bite of your pizza.
- You must never complain about the pizza.
- You must never discuss the pizza at any time other than while you are eating it. To keep the integrity of the pizza, you must not disclose any information pertaining to the pizza to anyone besides fellow pizza-eaters.
- You must not fling your pizza at anyone or pretend to fling your pizza at anyone.
- You must treat the pizza as an equal and hold it to the highest standard.
- When you burp while eating pizza, you must not say “excuse me” or any variation of those words, or you will offend the pizza, which breaks rule #6.
- You must never eat pizza without garlic fingers or garlic bread.
This list is, of course, just for fun, and a joke we made about the way my parents were eating their pizza (for example, eating it with a fork and knife and dipping it in sauce). Is there anything you would add to or remove from this list? How do you like to eat your pizza? Let me know in the comments! :)
I am definitely not a car person, as you can probably tell….. Mal and Jacob make fun of me for all the stupid things I’ve said all the time. xD (On the bright side, maybe I’ve learned something since then? But don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll end up saying more stupid stuff in the future.) Anyway, here are some of the funny things that have happened in the past year.
Last year, we were on our way down the road with a load of tires on a wagon, so we could put them on a car we were going to drive. My mom met us along the way, and we had to explain to her that we were not, in fact, taking the tires for a walk. “No, Mom, we’re just taking them for a walk! We thought they needed some air!” No pun intended. I changed one of the tires—it’s not quite as complicated as my grade 9 home etiquette course suggested—but while I was trying to tighten one of the nuts, my hand slipped and I faceplanted into the side of the car and then fell. Then I was playing with the wheel nuts. The boys were talking about the starter, and meanwhile I slid all the nuts onto my fingers and then hung my fingers upside down and proudly declared, “I’m hanging nuts from my fingers!”
While working on one of Jacob’s cars (the black one from last June/July), I was telling him about my friend Allison. I said, “She hit a pothole and the rim came off!” Mal looked at me and said, “…don’t you mean the hubcap?” Apparently, those are different. “I hope you didn’t tell anyone else that. ‘Yeah she was driving and then her whole rim just like came off and rolled across the road!'” Yeah, let’s hope I didn’t tell anyone else that. xD
Last summer, while we were eating ice cream in town, sitting on the back deck of the ice cream place, a fancy blue car pulled into the parking lot and here was our conversation:
Jacob: It’s a standard.
Me (to Mal): Only he would point that out. I would say that it’s blue, but he’ll explain what kind it is, the transmission, what kind of tires it has…
Jacob: …how much gas is left in the tank…
Me: Yeah, how much gas is left in the tank…
Jacob: And it’s a 2.2 litre.
Me: I don’t know what that means. My car takes a lot more than 2.2 litres of gas.
Jacob: It’s oil, not gas.
Jacob: Hey, how many spark plugs does your four wheeler have? Four?
Me: What’s a spark plug?
Jacob: You don’t know what a spark plug is?
Jacob: I can tell you where the crankshaft is.
Me: *laughing* Crankshaft…xD
Jacob: You can find something funny about everything.
Me: Yup! Yup I can! *laughing so hard I can barely breathe*
Car: *drives away*
Me: *listens* Maybe it is a standard…
After I had my winter tires put on my car, we were talking about getting rims for my car and they checked the size. It was 14. A couple of days later, this conversation happened, and all I could remember was ’14’ but I couldn’t remember exactly what it was for.
Jacob: What size are your tires?
Jacob: Okay, the rims are 14. What size are the tires? 215?
By the way, 175. xD He checked. xD
About 8 years ago, I used to put my poptarts in the microwave. I didn’t want them toasted, I wanted them slightly warmed. Well, one day, I decided to save a plate and I set the poptart on the aluminum foil wrapper it comes in instead. About 5 seconds in, I heard a loud BOOM! I opened the microwave door and the wrapper was like gone… it had exploded.
Lesson learned: Do not put poptart wrappers in the microwave.
Earlier this week, I bought garlic bread from the store I work at. I followed the instructions for cooking it in the oven: cook it inside the aluminum foil wrapping. I ate half of it, wrapped up the other half, and put it in the fridge. A few days ago, I decided to eat the rest. I planned to warm it up, and decided it would be faster in the microwave rather than waiting for the oven to heat up. Leaving it wrapped up, I put it in the microwave and pressed start. About 15 seconds later, I heard sizzling and looked at the microwave. There were flames. The wrapper was burning, and it’s a good thing I noticed so quickly.
Lesson learned: Believe it or not, the microwave is not, contrary to what I thought, a tiny oven that cooks stuff faster.
On the bright side, after cutting away the part of the bread covered in ashes, it tasted just fine!
We walked the horses over to Molly’s place for their summer pasture on Saturday night. I miss them already. <3 I get to sleep in a half hour later when I go to work early, but it’s sad not to see those welcoming faces with their ears pricked forward, kind eyes excitedly watching me while I prepare their feed every morning.
Now they have lots of grass. I try to visit them every day, and I’m hoping to ride Destiny again soon. I want her to get used to being away from Molly. Des never used to be particularly herd-bound, but since she met Molly, she doesn’t like to be away from her. When I ride her out of Molly’s sight, they both start calling to each other, Molly goes racing through the pasture, and Destiny wants to run too. She settles down after a while, but the procedure almost always repeats the next day I ride her. I want to get her focused on me and used to being by herself so I can ride her on some trails near my house later in the summer when they come back home.
The farrier came yesterday to trim their hooves. I’m glad both of them are so good with their feet. They’re so easy to work with. xD We have to get the vet out soon too for their annual vaccinations. :)
I wrote this poem a few years ago about Destiny and her loyalty as a true Arabian horse. The Arabian is supposed to be a very loyal breed, so I tried to put it into words. :)
When the sun shines bright and clear,
And when the snowflakes glitter near,
You’re as constant as a star;
You shine your light on all that’s dark.
When dawn breaks light and all’s arose,
When twilight brings it to a close,
Your kind eye guides me all the way;
You’re always there with no delay.
Your silky coat and ears attuned,
None will get past your post assumed;
Your watchful gaze forever meets
All that deny your loyalty.
No matter what, in rain or fire,
To stand by you is my last desire.
Through hopeless dreams of useless things,
You read my heart and set me free.
My power went out yesterday, for no obvious reason. I had just filled the sink to wash my cat’s dishes and put some chicken strips in the oven when it went out. I had to wash and carefully rinse the dishes, and then my dad helped me cook my chicken strips on the barbecue. I watched the horses over the rail of the deck while I waited.
I then spent the afternoon playing games on my laptop (thank goodness I got a new one, the batteries actually hold a charge!) and eating the candy I bought at Bulk Barn last week, until my dad lent me some of his data on my phone. Then he, my mom, Mal, and I all sat in the living room snapchatting each other random funny stuff until the power finally came back on. That’s what happens at my house when the power goes out. xD
I also got a new sweater yesterday, so I wore that to the barn today. The horses are doing really well. They wait patiently by the fence every morning now for me to let them out on the grass. Destiny’s pretty much done shedding, but Molly’s still a bit fluffy. I’ve been brushing her every day, but no matter how much I do there’s always still hair! They both look really good though. :)
Have you guys seen the “dedotated wam” video? (If you’ve seen it, you probably know what I’m talking about.) My brother and I have been laughing at that phrase for days. It actually sounds so much like something we would say just for fun! I tried to find a good copy of the video to link to on YouTube, but I couldn’t find one. It’s funny because the first time he showed me the video, it took me a second, but I understood what the guy meant the first time he said it. I don’t know if that means I’m crazy or just good at figuring out what people are trying to say. Or maybe I’ve just spent too much time talking to Mal about computer stuff. I don’t know. xD