I don’t know if this is going to make much sense. Maybe it’ll all just be a jumble of writing from my confused mind that seems to be getting everything mixed up lately (that “purple” thing I mentioned earlier was actually gray), but here goes…
I stand here tonight, trying to find my escape. Phantom Stallion, Chestnut Hill, Heartland – these are all the series I read and loved as a kid; and, more recently, Twilight, Divergent, The Hunger Games. In the last few years, especially since after high school, I haven’t had much time or interest in reading. Partly because I don’t have time, and partly because I read so much in school and university that the idea simply wasn’t quite so appealing to me anymore. But now, I seem to be getting back into it a little more.
What am I trying to escape from? Well, nothing really. I have nothing to escape from, at least nothing that would make sense. My life is awesome. I have an incredibly amazing, supportive family that I hang out with every day, a wonderful boyfriend who makes me want to be a better version of myself. My horse is proof that dreams do come true; she has stood by my side through thick and thin and I can’t imagine my life without her – she makes me who I am and I love her more than words can express. I have a sweet, lovable dog and a cat who has chosen me as his human. I live in a beautiful house with my beautiful family, surrounded by family and friends, with a barn in my backyard, a four wheeler, trails everywhere to explore new and old places. And am starting to take jumping lessons this year, something I’ve considered since I first started riding and have wanted to do for a while now. I am happy with my life, and I could not want anything more than what I already have. But that doesn’t mean I am always feeling happy. Sometimes life has a way of bringing you down and wearing you out, and that’s okay, you’ll get through it, you always do, but what should you do in the meantime?
I haven’t had much interest in reading lately, but when I’m feeling down, there are few things that will perk my mood up. Today, I did not feel like riding Destiny. I didn’t feel like going for a walk or a drive or to go get ice cream. Mal and I played Fortnite duos for much of the day, which was enough to distract me. But tonight, since he left to go back to university for the week, and Jacob went home, I have no escape, which is why I am searching my book shelves. Mustang Mountain, Pony Pals (wow now we’re really going back through the years)… what do I feel like reading tonight?
I recently read a piece of advice… it says “Rest. Be ok with not constantly going somewhere. Society, media, Facebook all have us believing we must seize the day and do it all. [We] have worked hard and [we] need to rest…Boredom gives way to creativity. Rest renews our bodies and our minds.” -Mrs. Eggart (originally about children resting during the summer) That really spoke to me, because for the last few months, I have felt exhausted. Of course, recovering from mono was one thing, but even now, I feel like I’m suffocating. I’ve been focusing on work, trying to get back into riding, and walking, and four wheeling, and posting videos on youtube and keeping up with social media; I’ve been trying to do it all and even if I succeed, I know that it will never be enough for me. So yes, it is important to work hard and never give up. But not at the cost of never giving yourself time to recover or have some fun, and REST. What would a day of rest mean for you? For me, I enjoy playing video games – like Fortnite, with my brother – or reading, maybe doing some writing (only creative writing though, and not forced), watching TV shows I know and love, or making some cookies. I think we all need to take the time to recuperate from our busy lives. And busy doesn’t even need to mean hectic – for some of us, just a week of plain old working, or even just going to the barn and riding, can be exhausting some days. So take the time to relax. Let that be enough for today. You need to come first – because, yes, life is life and work is important, and we need to try our best, but some days, it really is important to take a break from that and just be.