Moving Forward

Since I last wrote, a lot has happened. For one, I finished my first year of university with a GPA above 3.7. So why am I not going back? Some people don’t understand why. They don’t understand why anyone should “waste their lives” if they know they can succeed in some form of higher education. I am a firm believer that anyone can succeed in anything, if they want it enough, but I don’t. I don’t know where I’m headed or where I want to end up, and for the moment, I’m okay with that. I’d rather not spend several years of my life—and tens of thousands of dollars—when I don’t know where it will go. For all I know, I could end up in a job that pays no more than one I could find now, without any further education (and before I’m tens of thousands of dollars in debt).

For now, I’m fine where I am. I currently have a six-month job, working at my local library, and I’m happy. I can now look back on the months I spent in university and think of the good things, but I remember when I was actually there and I didn’t feel that way. When I woke up in the mornings, all I felt was dread, because somehow I felt like I wasn’t where I should be. Now when I wake up in the morning, I want to get up, and I want to do the things I once loved, and now I love them again. I can spend my downtime on photography, videography, and writing instead of focusing on homework and studying 95% of the time (because that is what I did before); and aside from that, I actually enjoy working.

I’m not saying education is bad. Far from it, actually, I think that when a person is motivated to do something, and go after it, great things can happen. But I didn’t know what I wanted in life, and I wasn’t motivated. When I decide what I want to do in life and actually have a goal to go after, I will return to university or college if that is what is needed to accomplish that goal. In the meantime, I do believe that I’m better off waiting and figuring things out. Because when you don’t know what you want, and don’t have that goal in mind, and you’re going after something that you know you don’t want, you’re bound to be miserable in the process. I was. I’m just not the kind of person who can dive into an intangible future. I am glad I spent the year in university though, because it did help me grow and to realize that it’s okay if I don’t know where I’m going (and, since I was homeschooled for high school, it’s good to have those marks as proof that I know what I’m doing, in case I want to transfer to a different university or college that is less accepting toward home schoolers—I know that some are). I have lots of time to figure that out. :) In the meantime, I have lots to keep me busy, in a very good way.

Aside from futures and uncertainties, Destiny is doing well. She’s made a friend, a sorrel Quarter Horse mare named Molly, who will be boarded at my barn this winter (for now, we’re rotating them between our pastures: a few weeks at my place, followed by a few weeks at Molly’s owners’ place). I was there to see them today, and rode Destiny bareback in the light rain (I didn’t think it was supposed to rain…). I’m glad to see her and Molly doing so well together. They are like best friends. I still don’t know who is the leader between the two of them, and they’ve been together since May!

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